Life after college is such a confusing transitional space that I still don’t understand, even after having graduated more than 2 years ago.
Half the people you know are asking you for your five year plan, while the other half are telling you to not take life seriously during this era, because doing so remains one of their biggest regrets. So which set of people do I listen to?? Honestly, it depends on how I feel when I get out of bed in the morning. (Or if someone announced their new cool new job or project on social media.) As I navigate my twenties, lack of community, career, and identity changes seem to be all that I can think about.
Why is Gen-Z (me) So Lonely?
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a limbo. I have a sprinkle of friends everywhere, but very few that I see on a consistent bases where I currently live. Friends from college in other states, friends from college in other countries, friends around the corner from me that are too busy.
Its easy to feel friendless and alone when my friends are living lives in different directions. Some of my friends have jobs or relationships that make them abnormally unavailable, some are saving up to move out of their parent’s house, some I just don’t share interests with anymore etc. It also doesn’t help when you move abroad and come back.
Of all the things that people complain that college doesn’t prepare you for, I think the main thing is practicing how to build community when it isn’t convenient. Parties, clubs, and free events minutes from your dorm each day spoils us a bit. And when your closest friends have similar schedules to yours, it’s even better. But to have relationships as an adult, I’m learning I have you have to work really hard towards it and compromise. I have to plan to meet people with really tight windows of availability, join clubs and classes to make connections, and extend myself more than I was prepared for. Good people and fun times don’t fall into your lap like they did in college. And even then I still had to battle introvertedness in a big city, depression, and loneliness at times.
I’m up for the challenge of building a new community and finding those consistent third spaces. I want cool new people around me that are ready to bond. I’m tired of meeting cool people and adding them on Instagram, only to never talk again!
Living Your Parents’ House Again
Sometimes it feels super difficult to establish my own identity while living with my parents, for a few different reasons. You go from having autonomy over your decisions, friends, and schedule and come back to a space where you have to provide an answer for every decision you make.
Also as a first generation college student to an immigrant parent, sometimes I can’t take up space and be unapologetically myself due to expectations they have of me.
There’s an immense pressure to prove myself to my parents. Prove that I intend to do something with my degree and am not lounging around without ambition. I think many immigrant parents, Nigerian ones specifically, want you to prove your grown-up-ness through the amount of money you make. And until you make enough, they can say and do whatever they want to you!
Prove that I intend to do something with my degree and am not lounging around without ambition. I think many immigrant parents, Nigerian ones specifically, want you to prove your grown-up-ness through the amount of money you make. And until you make enough, they can say and do whatever they want to you!
I wish I had the leisure of taking things slowly without being convinced I’ve wasted my degree. My ex-coworker, at my current coffee shop job, graduated the same year as me, but her approach to finding work and internships was much less frantic than mine. Her mother had worked a serving job for more than ten years before becoming a nurse, and believes that everyone should know what it’s like to do so. So my co-worker wasn’t getting the hounding at home, like I am about working minimum wage.
Everyone loves a come up story, except for when you’re in the process of coming up!
I occasionally get the lecture from my dad that he “told” me to pursue a degree in pharmacy when I was a freshman and If i had just listened to him then I wouldn’t be making $400 a week. Or my mom shaming me every time I reply that I’m not going to grad school yet, if i ever will, when she asks about it. Or when my brother pushes me to applying for teaching roles, although it would make me miserable, because 150,000 people and counting are out of jobs this year and I “should be happy to take anything!”
But dealing with the nagging will have to do, because a decent 1 bedroom isn’t going for less than $1,300 per month these days.
Start a Career? I Don’t Even Know What I Like Yet..
One thing that I enjoy about having a “not-so-serious” job in a small, family-owned place, is the banter and casual relationships with customers. I know everything about my regulars and vice versa. I see them downtown in community events, at the farmer’s market, at festivals and fairs etc. And I feel scared to trade the wholesome interactions and friends that I’ve made for sitting at a corporate desk for 9 hours each day. I don’t like other people rushing me towards that, while I’d rather be traveling, meeting new people and finding out what makes me the happiest. Plus my life has so much flexibility. If I want to take the day off work to go to an event, spend the day in the city, or just go thrift, I simply ask someone to swap shifts with me. Don’t have to stress and induce anxiety over making an elaborate lie to convince my boss that I’m allowed day off.
At the same time I also crave structure, direction, benefits, and more money. I don’t know what I want! But I’m sure this won’t be the last time I’m conflicted about it.
As always,
Ada xo